Dale Carnegie’s “How To Win Friends & Influence People”

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” – Dale Carnegie

Dale Carnegie, a successful entrepreneur and lifelong learner of the early 1900’s, is best known for his leadership courses, lectures, books, and trainings on public speaking, self-improvement, and interpersonal skills used to excel at human interaction. That of which all humans strive to get better at right behind the field of health. With over 75 years in print, his book, “How to Win Friends & Influence People: The Only Book You Need to Lead You to Success” has had the ability to leave its readers with the principles needed to excel in business and social interaction. These come down to a few commonplace and common sense items that many of us only subconsciously think about, but once truly broken down and thought about during conversation, we see that catering to everybody’s natural tendencies truly does make a difference in the outcome of any situation.

Fundamental Techniques of Handling People

Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.

Part of human nature, right? People love to criticize others on topics anywhere from the way they dress to the persona they display. And without a real topic in sight, people tend to complain not only to stimulate a false sense of conversation, but also to get sympathy for whatever petty problem they believe is happening in their life. It’s human nature to want sympathy, but criticizing, condemning, and complaining all bring the same end result: false and temporary conversation in which nobody cares to listen to for extended periods of time. Remove these from your personality and you’ll start to see more unique and everlasting friendships and conversations with everyday people.

Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.

Apparently harder than it may sound, true appreciation goes a long way. Look everybody you talk to directly in the eyes, and show friends and family gratitude for the things that they do. This allows you to be completely present in a situation, and the outcome produced is something that everybody will enjoy.

Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.

This can be seen in situations such as a baby not eating their baby food to a coworker not being 100% excited about an idea that you came up with. Encouraging somebody to accomplish a unified goal is as simple as helping them realize that they came up with the idea, and that of the baby eating the food in front of them to be more like the role model they admire. When the mother eats her food, the baby will eat this food as well.

Six Ways to Make People Like You

Principle 1: Become genuinely interested in other people.

People would be surprised at how easy this is to do when they take 5 minutes to actually try it out. Believe it or not, other people’s lives can be the same if not more interesting than your own, along with giving you insights as to how to improve your own life.

Principle 2: Smile.

Your smile is one of your greatest assets. It not only lightens conversations, but it induces positive emotions in others and helps instill a genuine vibe. Take care of your mouth and produce a smile in your daily interactions.

Principle 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

Start memorizing the names of others that you interact with. Reproducing somebody’s name in a second conversation with the person shows that you take a genuine interest in them. This helps eliminate trust barriers and

Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Everybody likes to talk about themselves. Take the time to listen and educate yourself. When you are talking, you aren’t learning. When you are listening, you are.

Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

Be relatable. This is not only a great way to learn, but also a great way to figure out what another person is interested in, as well as dealbreakers for that person.

Principle 6: Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

Win People to Your Way of Thinking

Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

Arguments get you nowhere. Try to see where the valid points are in the other person’s argument, and if you still believe that they are wrong and you NEED to change their view, do so in a positive and reassuring way.

Principle 2: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “You’re wrong.”

We’ve all met that blunt person who can easily stunt a conversation. Don’t be that guy.

Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

Admitting when you are wrong not only acts as a learning experience, but is a highly likeable trait that shows you can accept other people’s opinions.

Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way.

Principle 5: Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

This may not even be in the direction of what you are trying to get the person to agree with, but if a person is using the word “yes” before you get to the conversation you need to have, they are more likely to accept your criticism.

Principle 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

Let’s be honest, everybody likes to talk. Use this time to understand the other person’s viewpoint, while also realizing what it is that they care about. This all helps in playing to your own strengths.

Principle 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

If you can find three solid reasons as to why you need to be the one with the idea, avoid this principle. And then go read the definition of the word narcissist.

Principle 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

At the least this will show you how the world works.

Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

Just as you would hope others are sympathetic of your own ideas and desires, this helps open up similar interests.

Principle 10: Appeal to the nobler motives.

Figure out what motivates the individual that you are talking to. Listening will allow you to do this, and appealing to these will go a long way.

Principle 11: Dramatize your ideas.

Who ever said a little exaggeration could kill somebody? Just know when to draw it back.

Principle 12: Throw down a challenge.

People hate backing down. If you can challenge somebody to accomplish a goal, you have a better chance of finding it completed when you come back.

Be A Leader

Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

Principle 5: Let the other person save face.

Principle 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish your praise.”

Principle 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

Principle 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

Principle 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Now if many of these principles come as a surprise to you, you may want to reevaluate your social interactions. The book comes down to being a genuine person who truly cares about the interests of others. Yes, that will get you farther in life. And if it doesn’t, you can at least say that you have made a few established connections through caring about others. The book and its principles have faired well for many since the early 1900’s in all occupations and levels of life, so give a few a try and see how they work for you.

 

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One comment on “Dale Carnegie’s “How To Win Friends & Influence People”
  1. Anshul Kapoor says:

    I’ve been wanting to read this for a while now, good post!

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